You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
