So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
how drunk are you?
Several
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
