Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
