The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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