I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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