do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
