I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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