ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Life is so much better after having sex.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
