see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She announced her abortion via fbk
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
