Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
