Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
