I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize