He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
