when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize