i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
