I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
