I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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