we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
