On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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