this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
