I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
