Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I enjoy the company of your penis
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
