Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
