i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
