I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
