Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
