I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
