I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
