just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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