Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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