The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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