Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
