We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
