when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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