No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
