Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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