I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
