all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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