I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
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i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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