She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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