She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
