I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I came so hard my ears popped.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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