I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
