when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
