I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
