2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
