Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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