I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
