you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
