If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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