Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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