He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
