You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
