I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
