Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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