Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Randomize
