I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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