Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
