Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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