My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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