if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
