she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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