I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
