Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
