Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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